Monday, September 23, 2013

An Open Letter to Ed Helms

Everyone I know is married or engaged. Okay. Not everyone, but can't a girl be dramatic every once in a while? Absolutely.

If they aren't married, they're off on fabulous adventures. And I'm left here wondering who wants to crochet with me. The fact that I'm a 68-year-old woman in a 23-year-old's body has to have something to do with it. Or the fact that the thing I'm currently most passionate about is which type of hot sauce will taste best on my popcorn.

I actually posted something about this on Facebook earlier this week (hot sauce and everyone getting engaged. yes, same post), raising the rhetorical question* of when will I find someone I can be excited about and if that person does, indeed, exist. 1. Stop it, pervs. It's not like that. 2. No, I'm not bitter; I'm quite happy for all of them. Scout's honor. Perhaps I'm just antsy because a lot of my friends from high school and college have found someone like that, or at least a temp that has the possibility of a full-time job and further advancement with the company. . .wait, what?

The way I see it, if I don't feel like a relationship is going to go anywhere, or if I'm not excited about the prospect of being in that relationship, it's not fair to the other person for me to waste their time or emotions. I'd expect someone to be that fair with me. I swear I'm not a cynic, just a realist. So it goes, right? This whole post actually makes me seem like a really awful, horrible, bitter human being, but I really do have a good outlook on all of this. I'm planning a beautiful wedding ceremony for my cats, so I have that. I'm totally kidding. But not really. Kidding. Maybe not? We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

And who knows? Maybe my future husband is reading this right now. Maybe there's someone out there actively looking for a sarcastic, crocheting, guitar playing, crafting, filthy liberal woman muddling her way through life with misophonia. Maybe his name is Ed Helms. And maybe he'll contact me through one of my various social media sites. A girl can dream. In the mean time, just to clarify in case there's any confusion, I'm fine doing me for a while.

Mandatory "I'm in a really good place right now and it probably has something to do with this" selfie
The cool thing about being single is that you don't need to rely on anyone else to make you happy, and honestly, you shouldn't be relying on anyone else to make you happy ever. My opinion. You can do whatever the hell you want. My vision of this idealistic relationship is that someone is just as thrilled as you are to be doing those same things regardless of how unfathomably geeky that activity is. With you even. Is that a big part of it? Sure, why not.

The ball is in your court, Mr. Helms.

*Any of you looking to answer this rhetorical question: I hope you step in dog poop every day for the rest of your life. I could not be more serious. Cut it out.

Saturday, September 14, 2013


Oh. My. Gosh.

I said it in my last post, these chamomile soaks are working wonders. No doubt. No more red, itchy, inflamed bump on the back of my anti tragus. Now it's just an itty bitty bump that peels every now and then. I think I'll be able to change to a smaller post soon. I can live with that for a while, but I'm also ready for it to be a fully-healed piercing. (:
Look at this progress!
For anyone dealing with an angry cartilage piercing:  SOAK YOUR NEW PIERCING WITH  CHAMOMILE! I cannot stress how well this worked for me. Seriously, two weeks, soaking once or twice a day after cleaning it in the shower with warm water, and being hyper-aware of what was touching my new blingy ear, and the scarring is almost non existant. If you're going to spend all that money to get a piece of high-quality jewelry ripped through your tender flesh, the least you can do is do what you can to keep you piercing as healthy as it can be. Truth.
The magical, anti-inflammatory flower that has changed my outlook on healing times.
Also, something kind of cool happened to me today at work. I met someone else with an anti tragus piercing! She said hers was loud. Mine wasn't, but I do remember it being a little more painful than what I was expecting. It was a first for me and I was a little creepy about it. . .surprise? I don't care, I probably won't ever see this woman again in my life.

EDIT: Definitely saw that woman again. She was in my section at work this weekend and left me a killer $6 tip. Anti tragus buddies for life.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Paying People to Stab Me in the Ears

Okay. I think I have a problem.

Recently, I started getting into piercing my ears.

NeoMetal goodness

It started innocently enough, with a cute little white opal gracing my right anti tragus, but as soon as I walked out of the studio, I was ready for another one (as stated in my previous post - linked here.) I knew, however, my income as a server wasn't high enough to support two piercings with high-quality service and jewelry in the same day.

So, naturally, I waited a month to go back in and get things checked out, mostly because my new piercing was being a little pissy, probably from being bumped around and hair products. Mathieu, the piercer at Studio 51/50 and possibly the best in Nebraska, said I had some hypertrophic scarring going on & suggested chamomile soaks. Honestly, soaking my ear with a tea bag was not what I had expected. It's super soothing and it seems to be reducing the irritation.

Hypertrophic scarring on my anti tragus

I can hear the ocean!
Anyhow, chamomile's been working wonders. So, while I was in there, getting my month-old piercing checked, I decided it was a waste of being in there if I didn't get another one. I originally wanted a snug or an orbital helix, but Mathieu advised against it and suggested a faux snug: a conch piercing and an auricle piercing to give the illusion of a snug. I was all in, so I started with the conch.

This one was a little bit different than my anti tragus. For the anti tragus, it was a quick pain, me saying, "Oh, there it is," and the agony of putting in the jewelry. I'm being dramatic. It wasn't that bad. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say the pain was around a 6. For the conch, he used an o-needle. Needless to say, I wasn't expecting what happened. There was a loud crunch, me saying, "Oh, gross!" and that was it. It was like, CRRrrreeuuhngkggkgkh. Gross. It didn't really hurt, probably a 4/10. Naturally, more white opal.
Please excuse the blood. This is around 1 hour after I got it done on Saturday.
I can't wait to go back and finish the piece.
Imagine another white opal to finish that bad boy off.
Also, something else that's been happening that I love, my friends have been asking me to go with them to get their piercings. Yesterday, I went in with my friend, Jenni, while she got a cute little rook piercing. I think I'm too much of a wiener to get that one done. (: She took it like a champ and chose a beautiful curved barbell with light blue gems. I think we're going sometime next month to get another one. I can't decide if I want to finish my faux snug, get a daith piercing, or my second lobes. Also, I have a question: would it be too weird to get my second lobes done, and stretch them to around a 6g or so, and leave my first ones small? I like dangly earrings too much to stretch my first lobes. . .

Whatever. I'll figure it out. I think this is something I could get really passionate about.