Wednesday, December 8, 2010

. . . sometimes i'm just too hip to function.

hip359 up97 down
Cooler than cool, the pinnacle of what is "it". 
Beyond all trends and conventional coolness. 
Not to be mistaken for "deck".
"Stay away from the tacky velvet-rope MTV 
frat-boy clubs on the beach. Check out this party 
downtown instead, it's gonna be hip."

This is what I am. Sometimes, it gets a little 
outta control, no joke. I spend my days mocking 
your consumerism, wearing sarcasm and my 
lack of dignity proudly, and thoroughly enjoying 
this new found scene. Really, I'm so scene right 
now it's not even funny. Okay, that's a lie, I'm lame. 
I think only people who aren't hipsters secretly 
really really want to be hipsters. And people who 
are hipsters deny it to the bitter end. But, alas, I 
cannot be one. Here are a few reasons why:
  1. Let's start with a definition:
    Hipster1362 up217 down
    Aged indie kids, Hipsters still maintain the air of snobbery, still shop atsalvation army, and still have a completely astonishing array of knowledge when it comes to obscure musicpop-culture non-sequiturs, and political sneers. Absolutely a blast to be friends with, hell to be enemies of, hipsters are the most bi-polar of all thestereotypes when it comes to how they treat you. Can be recognized by books like "The Clockwork Orange", "Everything is Illuminated", orobscure philosophy books, by authors akin to Dostoevsky.
    "Dude, remember sarah?"
    "yeah, that little indie kid, why?"
    "i saw her in a coffee shop they other day, reading 
    The Brothers. She now goes by Anthurium..."
    "Oh, our little indie kid has transformed into a hipster butterfly!"
    And that's from Urban Dictionary, so we know it's legit.

    2. I've never been in a Salvation Army. I rock the New Beginnings look. Grizzly Bear is one of my favorite bands. I own a book by Fyodor Dostoevsky; haven't read it, but it's sitting on my desk. Yet, I am not a hipster.

    3. I have more than 2% body fat. I am immediately kicked out.

    4. I hate Neil Diamond.

    5. I don't have a horse.

    6. Effortlessly cool? Bull, I try really hard to look like this. There are a lot of steps to look like this. 
    Maybe I should just give up my aspirations of joining this elite crew. Just know that I love their irony, music, and liberal arts degrees. Maybe we aren't so different, the hipsters and I. . . oh, wait. Who am I trying to kid? I still have my self respect. . .